Who Farted In The Igloo?

My On/Off Affair With Metallica or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Metal

2008-09-06T10:34:00.000-07:00

I remember it well, 8th grade in Phoenix, AZ.; I liked all kinds of music. The stuff on the radio was cool enough, Nirvana (Kurt had just died), Soundgarden, Pearl Jam and Nine Inch Nails. We listened to a rap/R&B station every day on the school bus - I thought some of those songs were all right. It was a treat when a Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre or a Warren G. song came on – I thought those guys were tough. But then I started hanging around a new group of kids, they were mentioning bands I didn’t really know about: Megadeth, Slayer, Pantera, White Zombie and one I had heard of, Metallica.

I was familiar with the band but not with the music itself. I knew parents trembled at the mere mention of their name, which made the music that much more enticing to me. This was The Black Album era so of course I had seen Enter Sandman, and Unforgiven on MTV. I liked the songs and videos but it hadn’t really made me want to check out their music further. Back in those days there were .mp3’s, no CD burners. You had to trade physical CDs with friends, take them home and record them onto a cassette tape. That’s how we rolled, and we liked it.

One day a friend of mine realized I was behind the curve with metal CDs and he loaned me few of his so I could make tapes and get up to speed. I’ll never forget this, he let me borrow the following CDs: Megadeth’s epic Countdown To Extinction, Pantera’s Vulgar Display of Power, White Zombie’s La Sexorcisto: Devil Music Vol. 1, Ozzy Osbourne’s No More Tears, and to me, the crown jewel of them all, Metallica’s …And Justice For All.

And Justice For All made me a metal fan. The other albums loaned to me were cool, and to this day are some of my favorites, but And Justice For All, woah. My 13 year old head would spin every time I listened to it. The lyrics and singing were angry, the tempo was fast, the drumming was frantic and the guitars were smoking. Since Metallica had left the bass guitar out of the final mix (a cruel joke on newcomer Jason Newstead after the tragic loss of original bass player Cliff Burton) the album had a raw, primal sound. I loved it. Within a couple weeks I had scraped enough money together to buy Kill Em All, Ride The Lightning and the band’s seminal classic, Master Of Puppets. I was hooked.

I liked the black album, but like many others felt it had a more commercial, radio-friendly sound. The next few years went by quickly and before I knew it my sophomore year in high school was over and I was about to move from Phoenix to the California bay area. But a week before I did, Metallica dropped their new album, I was in for a surprise.

It was early June of 1996. I remember going into Target, running for the new release rack and picking up “Load”. The back of the album showed the band… with short hair, lame clothes and faggy sunglasses. What. The. Fuck.

It wouldn’t be much better when I put the CD in my player. The music was, alright I guess, but it wasn’t the Metallica I knew, loved and flew the flag for. All the anger, bitterness, the “fuck you world” attitude was missing from the music. Instead it was songs written and played by a couple of guys who had made A LOT of money with several world tours and album sales and had become so famous that they needed to break away from what they had done in the past.

I stuck with them.

The following album, ReLoad, was more of the same since it was, in fact, songs from the Load session that had been recorded with the intent of Load being a double album (the thing to do in those days). By now I was no longer a die hard Metallica fan; other bands and musicians had caught my interest, Joe Satriani, Dream Theater, TOOL, and a lot of classic rock bands. I looked at bands like Megadeth and Pantera as still keeping it real while Metallica were a total joke to me. I turned down tickets and chances to go see them in the bay area several times. Metallica had gown up and I still wanted the younger sound when they were willing to flip you off while double fisting two beers on stage.

Metallica came out with Garage Inc. in 1998, and to my surprise, it was decent. The Bob Seger cover and radio hit, Turn the Page, was actually very good, albeit rock and not metal. James didn’t sing like a whiny bitch and the band sounded pretty tight. The following year S&M was released. The band sounded excellent with the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra and the new song No Leaf Clover sounded as though it was written during the black album era - it had that kind of attitude. I held out a little hope but didn’t hold my breath.

Then came the Napster controversy, bassist Jason Newsted (my favorite member) leaving the band, the documentary Some Kind Of Monster, and the wretched St. Anger. After all of this happening in the early 2000s I completely wrote the band off. Metallica was completely dead to me. They were no longer relevant. Bands like Opeth and Lamb of God took my mantle of bands that kicked ass and took names. The words Lars Ulrich would send me off the deep end in a diatribe of everything that was wrong with success going to someone’s head.

Sometimes a band needs to blow it big time before they can accept they have lost their way and decide it is time to get back to what made them great in the first place. Would Metallica go back into the studio and find themselves with Rick Rubin, or would they continue to write soulless, cruddy rock music about their interpersonal demons. I have the answer, but you must wait until next week.

Until then put on ...And Justice For All loud.

Sunday Afternoons

2008-08-17T14:14:00.001-07:00

Sunday afternoons are a magical time. There are usually good sporting events on TV depending on the time of year, and many people leave the afternoons open to hang out and relax - I know I do. Most of the Triafia is out or at work, and I found myself chilling at the compound getting some things done on the computer. iTunes was on random play and then, like a rainbow in the dark, a song I forgot about long ago came across my speakers. The song was none other than Black Sabbath's Heaven And Hell.

Talk all the trash you want on my boy Ronnie James Dio, but there is no denying the man can belt out a tune like no other. Sure he sings about wizards and rainbows most of the time but the fact that Dio single handedly (literally) invented the devil horn hand sign shows how awesome he is. So in honor of all things great about Sunday afternoons and Black Sabbath minus Ozzy (I was never a big fan of Ozzy era Sabbath) here is the band playing Heaven And Hell live.

Sunday Morning Bass

2008-08-10T08:13:00.000-07:00

Here is Mark King, bass player for the awesome 80s group Level 42. We were chillin at work on Friday when one of my partners mentioned that he had ordered a rare 80s band live album on ebay. This brought up the discussion of which 80s bands were truely awesome and led to us showing each other videos of our favorites. We got to this little diddy and my jaw dropped to the floor. Enjoy.

Ode To The Greatest AR-15 Stock

2008-07-24T21:14:00.000-07:00

Those mad scientist/engineering geniuses at Magpul Industries have done it again. I received a package at the front door of the compound today, and low and behold it was the Magpul UBR stock I've been waiting for several years to get my hands on. It took about three minutes and a little cave man grunting to properly install it on a evil black Noveske lower receiver that has been awaiting it's arrival. Very straight forward no crazy specialty tools required.

Let me just start by saying the Magpul UBR stock is hands down the coolest piece of kit I've installed on one of my rifles, ever. The UBR, just like Magpul's CTR stock (also a awesome piece of gear, but made for rifles serving in a carbine/SBR/light weight role) installs to the lower receiver rock solid. There is zero play and zero slop on this bad boy. The brilliant part of the design is the cheek piece/buffer tube remains in place while the adjusting part of the stock moves the length of pull from underneath. No more having your cheek half on the stock and half on the buffer tube (my main problem with most stocks). Also, the UBR has three hard points for QD sling swivel attachments, this makes Schwartzilla most happy. In my humble, AR-15 obsessed opinion, the UBR kicks it's competition - the LMT SOPMOD and Vltor E-Mod, to the curb. No other rifle stock out there comes close to the quality, comfortable, bomb proof design that Magpul has unleashed on the masses. As always, bravo Magpul.

Cool Kids - Black Mags

2008-07-24T21:08:00.000-07:00

Normally there would be a Slayer or Pantera type metal video clip posted here but damnit these guys take me back to when I was a kid and some rap was actually entertaining. Dyno with the black mags/black mags/black mags. Yeeeeah boyeeeee!!

Learn English You Ungrateful Parasite!

2008-07-24T15:42:00.000-07:00

You know what Schwartzilla hates? When an asshole from another country, who commits crimes nontheless, gets their vagina all twisted up when I don't spreken zie their native tongue. Just because I'm the po-lice and your people are FLOODING into my state it does not mean I should know your language to make your life that much easier. If you feel that you must come here to earn a honest living then I expect you to make a effort to learn the langauge spoken here. Not only will it allow you to communicate with the people who live in this great land, it will open doors for you to work in places better than Burger King and Taco Town.

Just two weeks ago, this dumb fucking hillbilly from some nowhere town in Jalisco, Mexico got all kinds of mad at me when he asked if I spoke spanish and I told him to learn english. He went ape shit, became outraged and acted indignified. If he could have picked up a phone and called the mexican consulate, he would have. It was as if someone had forced him to come over the border, and then do something foolish enough to wind up in FELONY arrignment court. Sorry amigo, I got no sympathy for you or anyone in your shoes. If you can't even attempt to assimilate into our society and follow our laws, I encourage you to leave. The exit is somewhere to the south. Just get in your car or back on your burro and take I-5 to LA and keep on going. Don't stop until you go past Mike Wood and the signs start saying Welcome To Mexico and Tijuana.

I'm not "anti-immigrant" or even "anti-illegal immigrant". I'm "anti-foreginer who comes to my country and expects me to tickle their nuts and give them a free ride and let them do whatever the fuck they want without consequences". Those are the bleeping jackasses that piss me off to no end.

If I decided I needed to make a better life for myself in a foregin country (it'll never happen, but go with it) and move to ShitHole, Uganda, population 300, I would need to learn the native langauge and take on their cultural practices in order to become a productive, contributing member of their society. If I rolled up however, didn't attempt to learn anything, watched American TV on satellite at my house, and only hung out with other Americans in front of WangaWanga Depot waiting for work, I wouldn't get far. If I rolled up in ShitHole, Uganda, and got all pussy bent becuase Click-Click and Umma-Mumma didn't learn english in order to become more culturally sensative to me, I'd probably get run out of town within minutes. If I arrived, refused to learn the language, participate in cultural customs, and insisted that the villagers eat hot dogs and listen to Chuck Berry, my head would be on a pole, literally.

In my humble opinion, our local, state, and federal government has got to stop coddling these ungrateful pricks and start kicking more of them to the curb when they can't conform to our way of life. Not very PC of me, but I see waaaaaay too much bullshit living here in the bay area - the epicenter of letting scumbag immigrants demand we give them more rights and become more understanding to THEIR culture. Fuck that, this is America. Learn English (and teach it to your 15 grubby kids you goddamn catholics), eat a hot dog, turn off Telemundo, and respect the culture that immigrants from all over the world created.

Sunday Morning Rage

2008-05-18T09:34:00.000-07:00

Here is a little pick me up in honor of the Penguins hopefully beating the piss out of the Flyers today and in honor of all the awesome things I'll yell at crackheads in the upcoming week.

Saturday Night Rock

2008-05-03T17:37:00.000-07:00

These guys have been around since I was in high school, but I never really paid much attention to them until recently. The emotional highs and lows in their songs remind me alot of the Cure. There is no doubt that Chino Moreno and his bandmates have a somewhat dark outlook on life (then again who doesn't) and at the same time their music portrays a sense of beauty that life holds for us everyday if we take the time to stop what we're preoccupied with and look around. Minerva, the song posted above, is a good example of this.

SHARKS!!!!

2008-05-03T17:02:00.001-07:00

Joe "Little Joe" Pavelski (#14) the stone cold pimp who scored in OT for last nights win.

Aw shit! Can you believe these gangstas!?! They're like a dope dealer in Oakland who gets shot ten times and then decides, "Hell to the no! I ain't dyin' yet, shit. I gots babies to feed. Shit. Yaknowwhatimsayin ma fucka!?! Gotta go, here come the po-lice."

Here we were, down in the western semi-finals 3-0, THREE TO FUCKING ZERO, and we just made it a 3-2 series. If we can beat Dallas at home Sunday we're gonna be back home for game seven and show those bitch ass Texans why their Katrina refugee loving state is a lame place to have a NHL franchise. Shit.

Sharks >>>> Dallas bitch ass Stars. What a queer name.

This is what their locker room probably sounds like: "We're all Stars guys! Lets go get 'em. Yeah!" *towel slap*

Fags.

SHARKS FTW

Yippie-Kai-Yay...

2008-02-22T11:34:00.000-08:00

Watch out crackheads, Schwartzilla is now packing a Sig Sauer P220 Elite .45 along with his trusty S&W 642 .38 with laser grips and Benchmade Skirmish knive. The Sig (thats the big black one at the top) is loaded out with Speer .45ACP 230 gr. Gold Dot LE hollow points while the snubbie is maxed out with Speer .38 Special +p 135 gr. Gold Dot short barrel hollow points. Go ahead, make my day.

Ted Nugent - Kiss My Glock

2008-02-20T18:03:00.001-08:00

10mm boys!!

Make sure to watch after the song, "Uncle Ted gets high on gunpowder."

An Ode To Combat Tough Weapons

2008-02-12T17:50:00.000-08:00

STRIDER KNIVES, built like a brick sh*thouse and issued to military units (Strider has NSN's). The Strider line makes every other folding and fixed blade knife on the market seem like a play-doh creation in comparison. There is a video on youtube (too lazy to post it) of a Strider knife vs. a brick. The brick doesn't win. I recently handled a co-workers and and I was blown away - knives practically never catch my attention. A Strider folder and fixed blade are on my short list for zombie defenses.

What can be said about Glock? Issued and carried by more cops nationwide than any other manufacturer (probably 4:1 around these parts), issued to the Iraqi national security forces (Glock 19), and had by a hell of alot of private gun owners here in the United States. The Glock is the AK-47 of combat pistols. High capacity, simple to operate, rugged as heck, and sold a perfect price point. Sure, other guns are more asthetically pleasing, have better trigger actions, and feel sexier in the hand, but the Glock is bomb proof and will run just the same super dirty as it will oiled. You have to be running some Bubba, backwoods reload rounds to make a Glock hiccup. Any gun that can be had in 10mm is great enough in and of itself.

The Gunny says,

"Buy a Glock, hell buy two Private Numbnuts and protect yourself and your family!! Now show me your war face!!

I've Died And Gone To Heaven

2008-02-12T14:15:00.001-08:00

This is pretty much the greatest, most versitile small arms weapon platform ever developed. I will be buying two, one in black, one in flat dark earth (brown). Magpul has single handedly trumped Eugene Stoner, something everyone else has tried to do since the AR-15 first came out.

No Country For Old Men

2008-02-10T09:55:00.000-08:00

Wow. I haven't seen a film this good in a long, long time. No one doubts the Coen Brothers are directing geniuses (Raising Arizona, Fargo, The Big Lebowski, O Brother, Where Art Thou?) however, this movie will without a doubt cement them as one (two?) of the greats long after they are gone. I'm not going to say what this movie is about or tell what happens, instead I'm just going to leave you with the impression it left on me.

I can't remember the last time I went to see a movie where the scenery and physical acting told more of the story than the character dialogue and special effects. If you haven't seen this movie yet prepare to sit in silence for long stretches of time as you watch the plot unfold - not a bad thing in my opinion. The movie takes place in west Texas in 1980 (great year - I was born and Ronald Regan was elected to be President of the United States). As soon as the movie starts you feel alone and desloate just like the characters and the landscape surrounding them, by the end of the film you feel just like two of the protagonists -broken, abandoned, and left with your thoughts.

Don't go to this movie expecting to high five your buddies at the end or walk out feeling good about yourself, go knowing that the material you about to see will challenge you to take a look at how you view life, growing older and not being able to change the world no matter who you are or what you do.

I hope No Country For Old Men wins every Academy Award it is nominated for. Bravo Coen Brothers.

Magpul Masada (Bushmaster ACR)

2008-02-03T13:54:00.000-08:00

This rifle will be MINE later this year when it is released. Now that Bushmaster has bought the specs it will be mass produced and in civilian hands long before another democrat assault weapons ban gets passed.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!?!?

2008-02-03T13:22:00.000-08:00

Why is Paula Abdul singing and dancing on Fox just hours before the Super Bowl? Oh that's right... Fox has to keep pimping American Idol 24/7. Fox should keep the greatest sporting event of the year and the promotion of their bullsh*t flaming reality show crap seperate. Putting this weak, watered down "entertainment" on my TV less than two hours before the holy game begins is like having a dirty stinking hippie come over to my house, uninvited, taking a big steaming dump on my 60'' LCD and then telling me that I suck becuase I don't have tofu in the house and drive an obnoxiously loud, gas guzzling truck.

Yeah, it's like that.

Baggy Pants And The Decline Of Western Civilization

2008-02-01T16:41:00.000-08:00

It's true, you can go back and trace the decline of our great society by watching the popularity of baggy pants rise. It started in the 90s when a president Clinton was in office and the P Diddy Puff music was all the rage. It was during this time that muslim extremists, watching Al-Jazeera TV, became enraged at the baggy pants they saw coming from America and hatched a plot to fly planes into our national landmarks as a reminder to Americans to buy properly fitting pants. Now we have wars, famines, genocide, Rosie O'Donnell, droughts, global warming, Mac computers as a fashion statement, high gas prices and Britney Spears in a psych ward all becuase kids in the hood and kids at your local suburban mall think that having pants down past the asscrack is cool. Until this terrible choice in clothing comes to an end, bad things in the world will continue - no matter who we elect as our next president or how many terrorist leaders we carpetbomb.

For those of you who don't know, the baggy pants trend originally started off in prison. If a person wore baggy pants it meant they were another inmates bitch and thus were not to be trifiled with. Men would return home from prison and back to the streets wearing baggy pants having found them to be more comfortable and easier to conceal weapons, drugs and other contraband. Younger kids in the inner city soon caught on to the trend and now the world has spun into total chaos. So when you see someone wearing baggy pants and you think he looks hella gay, don't feel bad for thinking so, fags in prison started the trend.

Glock 18 Goodness

2008-02-01T16:13:00.000-08:00

I've been on a Glock kick lately, my Glock 32 in .357SIG has been on my side constantly off-duty the past month or so and I'm positive a Glock 19 9mm will be in my safe in the near future. In honor of Gaston Glock and his combat tough, resilient, zombie stopping handguns, here is a video of a Glock I will never be able to purchase due to legal restrictions.

RAMBO

2008-02-01T15:04:00.000-08:00

Just got done watching this flick, and I must say, it wasn't half bad.

The premise: Rambo is living in Thailand making a living by using his ancient ass boat to go around the surrounding jungle of the village he's living in and catch snakes for a snake show that tourists come to see. Rambo is apporached by pacifist missionaries who need his help getting them across the border by boat to Burma, which is a totally F'ed up place, as shown by clips and a scene during the opening credits. Rambo takes said missionaries across the border and drops them off, and then as ordained by the action gods, everything goes to crap. Rambo and some hardcore mercenaries (hired by the church pastor, haha) have to go to the sterotypical 80's enemy jungle base for the rescue and from there the body count rises exponentially.

The movie runs for about 90 minutes and in the spirit of the old Rambo and Braddock movies is short on character development and big on explosions, mutilation, jungle boats, trucks, airborn body parts, snakes, dogs, knives, bows, snipers, .50 Cal machine guns, landmines, AK-47s, and one big ass bomb. Oh did I mention the body count is high? Yeah, it's alot higher than I could even try to keep track of.

The moral of the story: If you're gonna go to Burma, Afghanistan, Iraq, Sudan, etc. to tell people about Jesus and give them medical treatment make sure you're packing heat. Pacifist christians from Colorado are a easy mark for bloodthristy warlords.

What I liked about it: Of course being the gun enthusaist I am I was looking at the hardware being used by the good guys and bad guys. This movie got most of it right, the baddies had AKs and an assortment of old ass pistols like WWII Luger 9mms. The mercs were sporting a Sig 552 Commando with Aimpoint, Colt M16 with ACOG, a modified .308 FAL with EOTech, a FN semi auto shotgun also with an EOTech, and of course the mighty Barrett .50 rifle - I'll get back to the Barrett in a minute. The mercs were also smart and realistic in that they, used NV scopes and IR illuminators, utilized red LED lights in the dark so they wouldn't wash out their eyes adjustment to the dark, and actually sported the types of watches that a real world merc or operator would use. It was little stuff like this that made the movie more believeable to me. If the good guy had looked down at his Omega or Rolex watch I wouldn't have bought into the whole mercenary thing.

What I didn't like: The freaking Barrett .50! During their night time op, the merc takes out perimeter security with a rifle that has a supressor (you can't tell what it is at the time). Then the following morning you see that it is a Barrett, and when he shoots it during daylight it booms across the entire jungle (which it would). The view through the reticle is the same at night as it is in the day so I know the guy was meant to be using the same rifle for the sake of the movie. Now here's the problem, it is physically impossible to supress a .50. It can't be done. Oh well, at least it was realistic in that it really would make a head explode or send a person flying if they took a chest cavity hit (not joking, the Barrett is a nasty piece of sniping hardware).

All in all, good action flick and extremely bloody/graphic/violent. Just the way I like 'em.

Insane

2008-01-29T18:28:00.000-08:00

Someone up above was watching out for this deputy. The bad guy goes 10-10 and another cop on scene earned his teardrop tattoo, and win-win situation in my book.

OPD and ACSO catch a shooting

2008-01-29T16:56:00.000-08:00

Freaking Eastmont Mall, you want to talk about ghetto, you have a Oakland PD substation and Sheriff's Office duty station about 100 yards from where this lady and kid got capped. The kid was probably the intended target while the lady was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Just goes back to what I've advocated for years, nuke the flatlands, pave and rebuild.

Eric Johnson > You (at guitar)

2008-01-29T16:29:00.001-08:00

One of these days I'll go see Eric Johnson on tour. What an amazing talent.

Tuesday Night Shark Attack

2008-01-29T16:16:00.000-08:00

Aw shit gangsta, the NHL All-Star break is over, the second half of the season is underway, and the Sharks are on the hunt. Lets see here, what poser ass team do we play tonight... *checks google* ah, the Edmonton Oilers. We're at the top of the Pacific standing and they are at the bottom of the Northwest. This should be a good game in our favor but we said the same thing about the Coyotes and Ducks last week and we got SPANKED. If we can keep the passing and shooting game up we should be solid.

Oh and God, if you're reading my blog, I want some sweet fights tonight too. Blessed be.

The Week In Preview

2008-01-28T20:22:00.000-08:00

I'll have the latter part of this week off, expect the following:

1) A rant about hippies

2) More War Porn

3) More thoughts on the Sharks after the Tues and Wed game

4) Baggy pants and the decline of western civilization (or how I learned to stop worrying and love the crack pipe)

5) A Rambo review

Monday Night War Porn

2008-01-28T20:13:00.000-08:00

"Shit is crazy!"

God bless em.

East vs. West

2008-01-27T15:45:00.000-08:00

Sorry Mike, but the NHL All-Star Game takes precidence over watching LOST on DVD. Perhaps on another crappy rainy day I will give it a spin.

Here We Go Sharks

2008-01-24T19:26:00.000-08:00

Kill. Destroy. Maim. Chomp!!

I want to see lots of hard hits on the boards, good passing, competent defensemen (not holding my breath), Nabokov stopping more shots, and better teamwork within the offense. And none of this going 2 or 3 down in the penalty box stuff either. Lets hammer em on power plays, score goals, and pull out a W.

SJ Sharkie, my homeboy ----->

Pre Sharks Game Satriani

2008-01-24T19:15:00.000-08:00

Up In Flames, exactly what is gonna happen to the gay ass Blues tonight.

GRAND THEFT AUTO IV

2008-01-24T15:48:00.001-08:00

Warm up your XBox 360 and mark your calendars for April 29th.

Schwartzilla Mad At The Comcast Programming Hippies

2008-01-23T19:20:00.000-08:00

This is rediculous, Schwartzilla's brother, Timebomb, gets the Red Wings/Ducks game in Malibu, while Schwartzilla gets shafted with NBA, Tennis, and Sports Celebrity Shuffleboard. Whatever cable service offers NHL Center Ice, I'm subscribing. When NHL season ends and baseball goes into full swing before the NFL comes back, I'm gonna really be going crazy.

At least TruTV shows COPS 24/7. "Get on the ground asshole!!"

It Can't Be Ova!! I'm Just Warming Up!!

2008-01-23T19:06:00.000-08:00

Kimbo = My Ghetto Hero

Heckler and Koch HK45

2008-01-22T18:55:00.000-08:00

The AR-15 and Remington 870 pump have gone dry, and the zombies are closing in fast. What do you turn to? A Glock 9mm? A revolver in .357 magnum? A Sig in .40? Noooo buddy, you whip out the HK45 and commence with the head shots.

Chambered in good old .45ACP, the HK45 holds ten in the mag plus one in the pipe making for a slim grip profile with 11 rounds of hard hitting, zombie stopping power. The only thing wrong with this pistol - no factory night sights. Apparently in Germany, where this awesome piece originates, tritium (radioactive element that makes night sights glow in the dark) is outlawed even for military and police weapons. Pretty lame huh? And I thought our gun laws sucked ass! Hopefully within the next few months companies like Trijicon, Meprolight, Dawson Precision, and others will come out night sights for this bad boy. If Crimson Trace would design laser grips for this gun it would be a force to be reckoned with. So, when the chips are down and you're down to just your handgun I highly advise you have something in .45ACP - even better if it says Heckler and Koch on the slide.

A Cup Of Joe Before The Game

2008-01-22T18:38:00.001-08:00

Still one of my favorite Satch songs ten years later.

Go Sharks!!

2008-01-22T18:08:00.000-08:00

I won't lie, we need a win tonight, bad. We're quickly sliding in the points standing after several high scoring losses the past two weeks. Keep your fingers crossed and hope that our defense can pull their head out of their ass and offense can figure out how to pass and shoot the puck again.

Heath Ledger - Dead

2008-01-22T18:01:00.000-08:00

Now The Dark Knight has to kick ass. Everyone knows movies with recently deceased people are way cooler than movies where all the people are still alive. I would have found today's events more entertaining if it had been Paulie Shore or Carrot Top instead of Ledger, but I've learned not to question the Reaper.

Gayest Song Of All Time

2008-01-21T18:32:00.001-08:00

And the weiner is... Don Johnson's Heartbeat

Apparently Don Johnson is a fashion photographer/videograper by day and a high risk war photographer by night and/or weekend. Now he's having PTSD flashbacks after being on a Rambo/Chuck Norris/Indania Jones style adventure deep the jungle of an exotic land where he got more than he bargined for... ACTION!! All he can do is sing with his lame band on top of an 80's rooftop moaning about how he looking for a heartbeat - a heartbeat like his. Gaaaa-aay!! Thanks for this time waster Wood, I'll one up you tomorrow.

Hockey > All Other TV

2008-01-21T18:23:00.001-08:00

Sure you can watch House or Dancing With The Stars, but why bother when there is a hockey game on? It's like asking if you'd rather go to your favorite resturant or have a rectal exam. The choice is clear. Watching a bunch of misfit, ragtag, underpaid pro althletes with sticks fight over a puck will always win out over watching some wrinkled old celebrity dance with a 20 year old pool boy. I'd like to see Jane Seymore get on the ice and go after the puck, now that would be entertainment.

Crackheads

2008-01-21T16:21:00.000-08:00

I'm headed back to work tomorrow, and we all know what that means... crackheads. The ones from Berkeley are usually the most mentally ill and thus the most fun to play jokes on, while the ones from Oakland are usually the ones most prone to thinking they are entitled to stuff and accuse me of being the white devil and not having a soul. Well they're kinda right, I do have a soul, but it's cold and dark after dealing with with their sub-species since 2002. The best is when a crackhead gets mad after I refuse to give him or her an extra bag lunch and I remind them I don't have the word "bitch" tattooed on my forehead, or when a crackhead attempts to order me to do something and I tell said crackhead I don't negotiate with terrorists or take orders from people who don't pay taxes - that always makes them madder than Archie Bunker at the Source Awards. Have a good week everybody, and remember kids... sprinkle sugar on your corn flakes, not crack.

Zombie-Robot Alliance

2008-01-21T14:10:00.000-08:00

Terrorists, crackheads, meth lab cookers, pedophile space aliens, Hugo Chavez, cats with no discipline, toddlers on a sugar high. These are all things that keep people awake at night. Fear of those who choose not to obey our laws and live outside the norms of society keep Johnny Jones and Sally Citizen awake at night. But something different haunts my dreams, something that we should all take notice of - the ultimate evil, The Zombie-Robot Alliance.

What if humanity's two most dastardly foes teamed up to give humans a 1-2 knockout punch? What if Japanese robot warriors came to an uneasy truce with the savage, bloodthirsty zombie hordes of Canada? It would be like Red Dawn only much more disasterous. After we blasted the communists out of Colorado and Ronald Regan and Chuck Norris kicked down the Berlin Wall, the world went back to sleep, turning a blind eye to the new menace growing to the far east and north of us. Canadian zombies spread fast and grew strong thanks to gun control laws, ample amounts of maple syrup, and large gatherings at lumberjack contests - giving the undead easy access to living brains. The Japanese meanwhile, at the behest of Sony, built giant robots. At first the giant robots cleaned apartments and occupied children while parents were away at work, however, the robots rebelled against their human mansters and uploaded themselves with Microsoft Vista, driving them insane and turning them into remorseless killing machines. There are now rumors the robots have made a pact with the zombies in order to use Canadian lumber to build new war factories to the north. If this is indeed true, then it is only a matter of time until their invasion plan commences.

Are you going to bury your head in the sand? Or, do you want to take a stand and show the robots and zombies what "Made In The USA" really means. The choice is yours...

As for me, I'll keep the AR-15 hot, and my HK45 cocked and locked.